‘I have choices here’ is the mind statement I woke up to at 6 am. Then a flash of a friend locked in fear and the reminder that the lessons of life always wind back to trust. Trusting ourselves is paramount. Trusting life is something we cannot live free without.
My mind meanders back to 2002 and the conception of my class on knowing and trusting our internal power - our Core. I remember how I believed I knew what those materials should say and how the energies of life took over my writing and shifted them through me on a long night in Arizona.
The faces of so many students flash through my mind and I hope they remember the depth of who they are at their Core – the steadiness of their values; the sureness of their strengths; and how knowing their wants and needs will carry them forward into service and stability. I see the model in my mind and how thoughts, words, and actions align in the shape of a triangle focusing our attention and creating our lives. I send out a gentle reminder to all open to receiving that their uniqueness is a treasure that this precious world eagerly seeks.
I feel myself come into the present and I sit up in bed aware of a new day. I remember a dream of me driving a car and the face of my father in the rearview mirror. I feel the tenderness of people’s stories lately spilling forth their past. In the scheme of life our energy is always invested there and here and to pull our presence more and more into now is the quicker way to peace.
My years of therapy bounce through and I remember my kind and powerful counselor taking me back and back and back week after week into the pain. It was part of the process to feel it all again as a wise and capable adult so I could bring the confusion into understanding. The flashbacks like torture all over again. I remember the way her face looked when she said I never needed to go there again because I finally understood how bad it was. My mind clicks but will not move forward. Why did I need to feel – to know- how bad it was? What did the reliving get me? What did that deliver me from and to? I feel the anger building and I sigh. Tears flow as the word ‘compassion’ floats forward and my mind moves beyond.
A series of people pop into my awareness like a rich and wonderful movie. I am sitting in their presence honoring their path without expectation of where we will travel. Each of them have set an intention and now the universe is at the helm. I have prayed that my ego be released so that I can grow in spirit and walk closer to God and the questions come. I can see my mouth moving but the words are not spoken now. In their moment they were right but what hangs close now is the memory of their clarity and the touches of freedom. The path we take together is not linear and not in the past. It is a circle that spirals where the mind, body, and spirit choose so that the person can walk away feeling 100 pounds lighter and freedom – perhaps for the first time.
The range of being human is awe inspiring. I love people. I love the full range of their experiences and the vulnerabilities and strengths within them. I love their courage and their frailties and honor each as vital steps to a life well-lived.
Tears and laughter both came easily over the weekend reminding me of my own full range. I feel the close proximity of joy and sadness and feel the void at the middle of all emotion. The memory of an intense love takes me back to the point of catching the wave of the magic carpet ride and how my defenses melted before I bent and placed my heart at his feet. I feel his words when he said that my touch had taken him to new worlds and to the presence of Jesus. I remember the agony of our going our separate ways without reassurance that we would find this place again. I am grateful the feeling of that loss has faded.
All of my trusting and my never clinging having gone by the wayside after 14 years. I wanted more of that high light and deep glow and I knew where and how to get it. But grasping is never the way. In our surrendering it comes because the trusting path delivers what we truly want and need.
So I took to the paper after a near desperate and unanswered call to a friend. In my expanded state without a floor for grounding, I could not hold the beauty. Love too big to contain or to deny so I was stuck in no man’s land. Its boundaries spilling over filling us and running free and what were we to do except to run with it?
If I get what I want and I believe I will, can I truly be in its presence? What are the limitations of my human self and how do I balance the vastness of love and the spirit with the physical? In the now seems to be the rising answer but even that does not reassure.
Each of us has a history and a present filled with our deepest desires. These times carry a need for our whole selves to be here where our energies align in the moments as they arrive. Each of us have choices on where to invest our energy. In the past? In the future? Healing wounds? Creating a new view?
The question lingers ‘Can we truly hold the vastness of this world we live in’
Are the obstacles in place because we put them there – though subconsciously – to protect us from the very thing we claim we want? Are we ready for the miracles – the laying down of the barriers and the full receiving?
What do we do when the fullness starts arriving and the power and purity and beauty is to much to breathe in and comprehend? Do we back it up or do we enlarge our capacity to hold peace, love, joy, abundance, and vitality? Are we really ready to receive our fully bloom?
If you said ‘yes’ lay down your doubts, erase the excuses about the economy, claim your choices and trust the territory of a new world.
God does not work on probability so let it perish. Prepare for possibility and God will lead the way.
My mind meanders back to 2002 and the conception of my class on knowing and trusting our internal power - our Core. I remember how I believed I knew what those materials should say and how the energies of life took over my writing and shifted them through me on a long night in Arizona.
The faces of so many students flash through my mind and I hope they remember the depth of who they are at their Core – the steadiness of their values; the sureness of their strengths; and how knowing their wants and needs will carry them forward into service and stability. I see the model in my mind and how thoughts, words, and actions align in the shape of a triangle focusing our attention and creating our lives. I send out a gentle reminder to all open to receiving that their uniqueness is a treasure that this precious world eagerly seeks.
I feel myself come into the present and I sit up in bed aware of a new day. I remember a dream of me driving a car and the face of my father in the rearview mirror. I feel the tenderness of people’s stories lately spilling forth their past. In the scheme of life our energy is always invested there and here and to pull our presence more and more into now is the quicker way to peace.
My years of therapy bounce through and I remember my kind and powerful counselor taking me back and back and back week after week into the pain. It was part of the process to feel it all again as a wise and capable adult so I could bring the confusion into understanding. The flashbacks like torture all over again. I remember the way her face looked when she said I never needed to go there again because I finally understood how bad it was. My mind clicks but will not move forward. Why did I need to feel – to know- how bad it was? What did the reliving get me? What did that deliver me from and to? I feel the anger building and I sigh. Tears flow as the word ‘compassion’ floats forward and my mind moves beyond.
A series of people pop into my awareness like a rich and wonderful movie. I am sitting in their presence honoring their path without expectation of where we will travel. Each of them have set an intention and now the universe is at the helm. I have prayed that my ego be released so that I can grow in spirit and walk closer to God and the questions come. I can see my mouth moving but the words are not spoken now. In their moment they were right but what hangs close now is the memory of their clarity and the touches of freedom. The path we take together is not linear and not in the past. It is a circle that spirals where the mind, body, and spirit choose so that the person can walk away feeling 100 pounds lighter and freedom – perhaps for the first time.
The range of being human is awe inspiring. I love people. I love the full range of their experiences and the vulnerabilities and strengths within them. I love their courage and their frailties and honor each as vital steps to a life well-lived.
Tears and laughter both came easily over the weekend reminding me of my own full range. I feel the close proximity of joy and sadness and feel the void at the middle of all emotion. The memory of an intense love takes me back to the point of catching the wave of the magic carpet ride and how my defenses melted before I bent and placed my heart at his feet. I feel his words when he said that my touch had taken him to new worlds and to the presence of Jesus. I remember the agony of our going our separate ways without reassurance that we would find this place again. I am grateful the feeling of that loss has faded.
All of my trusting and my never clinging having gone by the wayside after 14 years. I wanted more of that high light and deep glow and I knew where and how to get it. But grasping is never the way. In our surrendering it comes because the trusting path delivers what we truly want and need.
So I took to the paper after a near desperate and unanswered call to a friend. In my expanded state without a floor for grounding, I could not hold the beauty. Love too big to contain or to deny so I was stuck in no man’s land. Its boundaries spilling over filling us and running free and what were we to do except to run with it?
If I get what I want and I believe I will, can I truly be in its presence? What are the limitations of my human self and how do I balance the vastness of love and the spirit with the physical? In the now seems to be the rising answer but even that does not reassure.
Each of us has a history and a present filled with our deepest desires. These times carry a need for our whole selves to be here where our energies align in the moments as they arrive. Each of us have choices on where to invest our energy. In the past? In the future? Healing wounds? Creating a new view?
The question lingers ‘Can we truly hold the vastness of this world we live in’
Are the obstacles in place because we put them there – though subconsciously – to protect us from the very thing we claim we want? Are we ready for the miracles – the laying down of the barriers and the full receiving?
What do we do when the fullness starts arriving and the power and purity and beauty is to much to breathe in and comprehend? Do we back it up or do we enlarge our capacity to hold peace, love, joy, abundance, and vitality? Are we really ready to receive our fully bloom?
If you said ‘yes’ lay down your doubts, erase the excuses about the economy, claim your choices and trust the territory of a new world.
God does not work on probability so let it perish. Prepare for possibility and God will lead the way.
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